Thrill of A Lifetime

Anyone remember that old CBC show “Thrill of a LIfetime“?  No, this isn’t me having a Grandpa Simpson moment.  It was kind of the original reality TV show where people would have their dreams come true as made possible by this TV show.  It was usually reuniting with family members or going scuba diving and such.  Things that we kind of take for granted now, but were a big deal in the 80′s when the show was on.  It’s not as though I was a fan or anything, I just remember the horrible, horrible theme song that still resonates in my head like an clanging gong at a funeral.  Which reminds me of another song which sticks in your head that you wish would leave you well enough alone like a mangey stray dog that deficates on your lawn: “Womanizer” by the infamous Britney Spears.  They’ve been playing it a lot lately on BBC Radio 1 which I recently started listening to on my XM radio.  It’s amazing how no matter what they say it sounds educational because they say it with an english accent.  It makes basically everything they say a lot funnier too.  Speaking of funny things on Radio 1 and “Womanizer”, my favourite new DJ Chris Moyles made a parody of “Womanizer” called “Lorry Driver”.  I thought it was a funny song when I heard it and then today I actually found out what it was about.  Apparently a “Lorry Driver” is the refined brittish way of saying trucker.  It’s definitely worth checking out if you have a few minutes and want a good laugh.  Anyways, where was I, oh ya “Thrill of a Lifetime”.  I guess I did have a Grandpa Simpson moment after all.

Back to “Thrill of a LIfetime”.  I’m not going to be on the show, seeing as it was cancelled long ago, but I am going to be going on a similar kind of adventure.  This coming weekend I am travelling to Minneapolis to watch my beloved Bears play the Minnesota Vikings on NBC Football Night in America.  So if you’re watching the game keep a look out for me.  Normally the chances of you seeing me would be slim in a stadium that seats 70,000ish people but – and this is where the “Thrill of a Lifetime” part comes in – I am sitting front row on the 50 yard line right behind the Bears bench!  Hopefully I can make sign that will get me on TV and you can all wave at your screens and say, “Hey, I know that guy in a Bears jersey who’s being beaten mercilessly by those Vikings fans!”  I hope to get to more Bears games in my lifetime, but I never expect to have seats like this again.  It will be a lot of driving in a couple days (14 hours there and 14 back), but it should all be worth it.  If by chance I don’t make it back alive, Jenn has my will, and know I likely died a happy man.

Goodbye Brett: The New Nemesis

Every interesting character has their nemesis.  Superman has Lex Luthor, Batman has Joker, Captain Kirk has Khan, and I’ve had Brett Favre.  Well it’s been a really solid relationship for about fifteen years now.  Brett would throw the passes and I would hope for an interception.  Brett would be sacked and I’d hope for a career ending injury.  Brett would beat the Bears and I’d hope for next year.  Allas, despite the consistancy we’ve enjoyed over the past decade and a half, all things must come to an end.  And so it is that Brett Favre is no longer my arch nemesis.  I know this must be hard for some of you to take.  My consuming animosity for him, and his completely oblivious attitude towards me have been one of the few consistancies that have lasted more than half my life.  It’s not just that he’s moved on to New York, although that certainly did change things, things are just different now.

There’s a new nemesis in town, quite litterally in town.  As defensive co-ordinator for the Swift Current Plumbing and Heating Golden Gophers, I have had the arduous duty of coaching against a guy who’s name starts with ”L” and rhymes with tavern for the past two years.  Rarely in my life have I ever encountered a grown man who could whine incessantly to this extent.  I’m not sure if it’s a skill he’s developed over his lifetime or it’s just an inate gift but next sunday I’m going to bring along a tiny violin and box of kleenex I can offer him.  In four tries this year the Gophers have yet to beat the Jaguars and I hate losing to this guy.  These are eleven and twelve year olds who have been playing football for as little as a month for some of them and if it were up to him I think there’d be a flag for illegal procedure on every play we run and every hit our kids make would be whistled for unnecessary roughness.  Most of these kids don’t even know what illegal procedure is.  If you gave them a multiple choice question they’d probably answer : C. – “abuse by a surgeon”.  And yet he feels it necessary to whine in the volunteers refs ears on every play and generally blame any adversity on cheating or a blown call.

Don’t get me wrong, Brett Favre will always have a special dark corner in my heart, but he’s only a memory now.  My conscious and unconscious football angst has a new mulleted (I know it’s probably not a word) target.  Stay tuned for the results of round five on Sunday.

Fantasy Football Anyone?

So I’ve been playing in an established fantasy football league on sportsline.com for the past 6 years, and we are looking for someone to take over one of the teams from an owner that wants out. If you’ve looked at my “Benyamen’s Bears” tab, that is the page for my franchise in the league.  It’s a great group of guys to play with some of which I met in college and others that I’ve just got to know over the years from the league.

It’s a pretty involved 10 team keeper league (you get to keep some players from year to year) that uses offensive and defensive players. The annual draft takes place on July 20 of this year, but we’d like to find the new team owner as soon as possible. If you think you’d be interested, whether you have experience with fantasy football or not, just send me a note and I’ll get you the details. There is a $13/season charge for the league hosting service on sportsline.com, but it’s well worth the price for the entertainment.

The five people I'd invite to my front yard barbecue

At first you may be thinking, “Wow, that’s a really interesting idea for a post. How original! There are lots of people I’d like to meet, but would I want to barbecue with them? I wonder what interesting people Ben would invite?” You may be thinking these thoughts, unless your name is Brad in which case you are wondering when I’m going to give you credit for ripping off your idea for an interesting and original blog post.  Well like I said last time, I haven’t had much original thought lately, but it’s likely better off ripping off an interesting idea from someone else than having no ideas at all.  Brad wrote about the five people he’s never met that he’d like to have over for a backyard barbecue, however I don’t have a backyard so I barbecue in my front yard.  I’m just finishing up “Everything Must Change” by Brian McLaren, and I’ll have a lot more ripped off thoughts to share with you after that.  It’s nice to have some thoughts of any value again.  Anyways, on to the list:

1. George W. Bush – This isn’t to say I’m a big fan of his.  He’s made a number of good decisions and been helpful with aid and helping with AIDS in Africa, unfortunately anything good he’s done has been totally overshadowed by his numerous mistakes.  Realistically though, I think it would be really interesting to sit down and talk with a man who seemingly the entire world disagrees with and despises, but yet is able to stick to his guns; literally and figuratively.  I think he’d have a lot of interesting insights to offer and realistically who does a more hillarious “W” impression than George himself.

2. Damien Rice – This is to say I’m a big fan of his.  Oh Damien, you have been hurt.  Who hurt you Damien?  Who?  Damien Rice is easily my favorite musician alive today.  His heartfelt and desperately honest music and lyrics have touched me and made me think about life in ways few other people have.  His song “Dogs” was one of the few things that helped me through my two weeks in the hospital while my son Payton was life threateningly ill.  If nothing else, I’d love to have him there to say thankyou for what he’s done for me without even knowing it.  I’d love to ask him to perform a couple songs, but I wouldn’t ask him for it.  We all need a place and a group of people that we don’t have to perform for.  Maybe my front yard patio could be that for him.

3. Steven L. Anderson – Pick your jaws up off the floor.  I don’t want to clean that up.  If you’ve been a reader of this blog for a while you’ll remember my disdain for Steven L. Anderson and his angry, bitter, spiteful, misleading version of Christianity, but with him around the conversation certainly would never get boring.  I’d like to be able to sit down with a guy like him and ask him where he gets his thoughts, convictions and general rage from.  How did he become who he is and why is he convinced the world would be better if more people were like him.  I’d love to sit him down with my next invitee and just watch the fireworks.

4. Irwin McManus - Irwin is generally a fairly soft spoken man, but if you start talking about spiritual things I think you’d get to see the Latino side of him get fired up and lose it on Steven L.  I think the exchange would be priceless.  Irwin is one of most wonderful, godly men that I’ve never personally met but feel I know because of how much I’ve heard him speak.  I think his soft heart and clear thinking are such a breath of fresh air in Christian circles.  He loves God and wants to help other people learn to love God too.  That’s a man I would like to get to know.  He also loves good coffee and steak . . . what more can you ask for in a friend?

5. Solid Snake – Okay, fine I’ll pick a real person.  Seriously though, how awesome would it be to have barbecue with Solid Snake?

5. Mike Ditka – Okay, who would win a fight between Ditka and Steven L. Anderson?  By the way, I don’t think I’ve ever met someone who feels the need to constantly use their middle initial in their name who was a balanced and well grounded person.  I’d love to meet Ditka.  He’s crazy, but he’s fun crazy.  Not just that but he knows football and loves football.  He is the only coach to ever lead my Chicago Bears to a Superbowl.  He’s the only Head Coach in anything to ever win a championship while hating his Assistant Coach so much that they still haven’t talked to this day twenty-three years later.  That’s a man who stands by his convictions.  This isn’t to say it’s right, but he didn’t get the nickname “Iron Mike” for nothing.

Anyways, there’s my front yard barbecue invite list.  If any of those of you who are invited happen to read this and are interested in coming, just leave me a comment with your email address and we’ll work out the details.  My house isn’t that fancy and my barbecue isn’t that big, but I’d love to cook you a slab of dead cow to eat; between bread or not.  If you’re vegetarian than tofu burgers it is.

Anyone on the list that shocks you?  Anyone that you are surprised that I didn’t invite.  Just because Brad only invited five to his backyard barbecue doesn’t mean that I couldn’t invite more.  I’m not tied to anyone’s ideas.  Does that make mine an original now?

Benyamen's BoSox fans rejoice!

Well, it’s baseball season now so my alterego fantasy sports manager Benyamen Kramar has branched out into fantasy baseball too.  Benyamen’s BoSox were the champions of “Canadas Worst Fantasy League” last year and are hoping to defend their title.  However, in search of new competition, Benyamen’s BoSox have also created franchises in two other leagues to test their talents against new competition.  If you’d like to keep up on the state of the franchise on ESPN.com than you can click the link to see where they’re stacking up.  The whole league is there for your viewing pleasure so now you can cheer for Benyamen’s BoSox throughout the entire season!  Feel free to frequent the Benyamen’s BoSox tab page to leave your thoughts and praise for the franchise and it’s illustrious owner.

Dedicated Blogger Fantasy Baseball League

Well, it’s spring again.  That means no more football . . . for a long time.  Like I said a few weeks ago though, I have finally developed a hobby to fill that long football offseason.  It’s fantasy baseball season again!  Benyamen’s BoSox (that’s my team logo up top) are ready for another season in the fantasy baseball realm of existence and I’m more fired up than a Gulf War oil well.  I’ve had a couple drafts already and am reasonably happy with who I’ve come away with, but you never know how your team will really be until they start playing the games.  For those of you unacquainted with the wonderous world of fantasy sports, you basically get a group of people together, draft teams of players and then accumulate points throughout the year based on those players performance.  Then through sheer guile you improve your team throughout the year through a series of trades with other owners and through sage like pickups off the free agent list of undrafted players.  You can put as much or as little time and effort into it as you want, and it’s a great way to fill some free time from March through October.  Some people look down on fantasy sports players as mouth breathers with no real life of their own thus they live a fantasy one, but to them I say “at least it’s not Second Life.”

Here’s where you come in, I’d love to put together a fantasy baseball league of dedicated (or even moderately interested) blog readers.  It’s free.  It’s fun.  It’s a great way to get to know some new people and to have bragging rights over menial things with people you barely know!  You don’t even need to know much about baseball to play.  If you’d be interested in getting in on this league just leave me a comment (when you comment it asks for an email address so I can get a hold of you) and you’re in.  Have a good one and hopefully I’ll hear from you soon.

I swear, I am actually Canadian

Is it possible for me to still maintain my Canadian citizenship despite the fact that I don’t like NHL hockey and I am increasingly becoming a MLB baseball fan?  If the answer to that first question is yes, does the answer stay yes if I don’t cheer for the Blue Jays but am instead a Boston Red Sox fan?  I swear that I am a born and raised Canadian, but something apparently went wrong with me along the way for me to wind up like this.

I’ve honestly tried to like NHL hockey.  I really, really tried this year.  I tried to watch some hockey.  I even joined two fantasy hockey leagues.  None of this was successful in growing any interest in the sport for me.  If you asked me who my NHL team is I’d probably say Edmonton or LA, but I don’t think I could name more than a couple names on either of the teams.  More than likely I’d even name some players who don’t even play for them anymore.  I could likely list you most of their rosters from around 1992, back when I was a kid and hockey was the only sport allowed to be shown on TV by the CRTC, but I have grown up now and thanks to sattelite I can watch whatever I want.  Is Alexei Zhitnik still playing?  Is he even alive anymore?  After much soul searching I have determined that hockey is not one of those things I want to watch.  Much like my short experiment at trying to enjoy NASCAR last year, NHL hockey has now been officially pruned from my tree of sports interests.  Oh sure, I’ll likely still catch some of the playoffs – like I do with any sport – but the regular season is just unwatchable.

Colin Cowherd of ESPN radio fame often speaks of the sports tree.  Every person has interests which are branches on their tree.  When they are young they often have many young and thin branches, but as they get older they trim off some of the weaker ones and the stronger ones get even stronger because of the pruing.  In hockey’s stead, a new branch has budded and been growing on my sports tree over the course of the past couple years.  It’s a little more red, white, and blue than the red and white maple branch it’s taken over for; it’s baseball.  I’ve grown to really enjoy baseball.  I bought an XM radio purely so that I could listen to all the baseball I want, and I got an online subscription so that I can listen to baseball when I’m away from my radio.  I enjoy the strategy of the game.  I enjoy the marathon like endurance that a 162 game season requires.  I enjoy the history of baseball.  I enjoy the fact that I can read a book, make lunch, and work in the garage while listening to baseball and really not miss a whole lot because it is such a slow moving laid back game.  I enjoy the fact that baseball is just as much fun to listen to on the radio as it is to watch on TV because it is so easy to picture exactly what’s going on.  I also enjoy the fact that the team that I cheer for actually has a chance of winning something unlike my woeful Chicago Bears.  Yup, I’m a baseball fan.

It all started a couple of years ago when I thought I’d give fantasy baseball a try as a way to fill the fantasy football offseason.  I didn’t think that I would grow such a deep enjoyment of the sport; it just kind of happened.  With that in mind you can understand why I think I can officially write off NHL hockey.  As I mentioned before, I purposely joined two fantasy hockey leagues just to give NHL the fair chance that I gave baseball three years ago, but baseball grabbed my and hockey did not.  I’m now into my third year of fantasy baseball with two drafts coming up in the next week and I can’t wait!  Not only fantasy baseball starts soon though, pre-season baseball officially starts tomorrow too. Life is good.  Now I can just ride this slow moving baseball wave through until August when my beloved NFL football starts again.  I swear I am Canadian.